Self-Rejection: Are you rejecting yourself?

Do any of these sound familiar?

I can’t do that; people won’t like me.
Everyone thinks I am a loser.
I cannot say what I think because my feelings don’t matter

If so, you might be struggling with self-rejection without even being aware of it. We all do this at some level, have fears and anxieties about what other people think about us, and struggle with how we feel about ourselves.

What is Self-Rejection?

Self-rejection is the act of rejecting yourself to avoid others rejecting you. It puts more value on others’ thoughts and opinions than your own opinion of yourself. Often, it is a form of watering yourself down to be perceived positively, based on a fear of not being enough for others.

Current anxieties and past trauma shape how we feel about ourselves in the present. Through our experiences, we often learn things about ourselves that can sabotage our future progress. Our beliefs about ourselves and what we think others might be thinking can become the toxic tape we play in our minds. Often, it is not easy to realize these tapes that are playing. When this happens, people reject themselves to stay safe and avoid being perceived negatively by others. This limits how we allow ourselves to show up in the world and sabotages our progress.

Self-Rejection Holds You Back

Being mean and harshly critical to yourself will not allow you to be the person you are meant to be. It will also not help you to feel less anxious. Self-rejection often impacts relationships because it assumes others think about you the way you feel about yourself. How you feel about yourself impacts how you feel and what you do. You will not move through anxiety or trauma feelings if you think negatively about yourself. You will stay stuck and feel more hopeless as time goes on.

Develop a Habit of Self-Compassion

To work through self-rejection, build a habit of self-compassion. You have been through hard things. You will get through hard things in the future. Having a sense of self-compassion helps you help yourself through tough times more manageable. Sometimes we are the ones standing in our way. Sometimes we are the ones that are the barrier to our success. Befriending ourselves is crucial in recovery for those who experience anxiety and trauma. Recovery is difficult. There will be setbacks along the way; you need you on your side to get you through this. You need to allow yourself the grace to be human to grow. All growth requires trial and error. Self-compassion helps you coach yourself through the process.

Three Tips for Managing Self-Rejection

Here are three tips for managing self-rejection and moving toward self-acceptance:

Practice noticing negative thoughts about yourself in safe relationships.

Work toward being more mindful of what you are thinking about yourself

Consider the possibility that others do not think of you the way you feel about yourself
Borrow their hope and acceptance of you until you can build some more for yourself.

2. Use self-accepting affirmations.

When you notice yourself self-rejecting, use positive affirmations. This will help you develop a nurturing and accepting relationship with yourself and develop self-compassion in situations where things are hard for you.

Thank you for helping me through this
I accept you for where I am today
I love and approve of myself
It is okay to struggle with things that are new and difficult

3. Begin to keep a log of times you accepted yourself

Start writing down accomplishments as soon as they happen
Write down successes with accepting yourself for who you are and where you are at
Revisit log regularly to remind yourself that you can do this.

Think of what would happen if you developed a caring relationship for yourself over the next month. What dreams could you accomplish if you continued this practice and entirely accepted yourself for who you are and the effort you are putting in. Where we put, our focus is where we will grow. Focus on self-compassion to help you develop this practice in your life.

Learn More About Self-Compassion and Trauma Treatment