Why Boundaries are Important
How many times have you said yes to something you didn’t want to do, just because it was easier to say yes than to risk saying no?
Probably more times than you can count! For example, have you ever agreed to take on too much work at your job and then later found yourself feeling stressed and overwhelmed?
Have you ever tried to help out a friend or family member struggling with something, even though you were too busy with your own life and responsibilities?
Boundaries Are Important
If this sounds like you, it’s time to think about what it means for you to set boundaries. Many people assume that boundaries are too strict or likely to cause conflict, so they are often avoided at all costs. Boundaries help clarify who we are and how much of ourselves we can offer others. They are not a personal attack on anyone; instead, they tell our family and friends how much space we need to feel good in our skin. Setting boundaries is an act of love towards ourselves – no one else can protect us better than we can protect ourselves. People with healthy boundaries will have less anxiety in their lives; allow themselves more freedom and fun; have stronger relationships; be more successful professionally, and be happier overall.
Boundaries Are Necessary For Our Mental Health
Having boundaries is necessary for protecting ourselves. It can be challenging to set limits with people we love when they ask us for help or advice. Creating a boundary means you say no sometimes, even if you want to say yes. As humans, we all have limits. Setting clear boundaries helps us respect those limits and meet our own needs. For example, it’s essential to acknowledge that our time has value: asking for too much of someone else’s time may leave them feeling taken advantage of.
Boundaries Help Us Get Our Needs Met
If our boundaries are violated or we don't speak up for our own needs, this can lead to resentment. Many people get caught in a cycle of doing things for others and not asking for what they need in return. Be honest with yourself about whether or not your boundaries are being respected; if they aren’t, you may need to set firmer limits on when and how someone else can approach you with their requests so that you don’t feel taken advantage of have resentment towards that person develop. Resentment is a toxic wedge in relationships that can erode feelings of love and respect over time. When it feels like you’re constantly giving more than you receive—take action by setting some boundaries! What's great about setting limits is that it provides us with an opportunity to ask for what we need.
Five Kind of Boundaries
There are different types of boundaries to consider. What works for one person may not work for another, but you can better identify what is necessary for your particular circumstances by considering what each boundary does. Here are five kinds of boundaries to consider:
Physical
Emotional
Financial
Spiritual
Sexual.
Why It’s Not Always Easy To Have Boundaries
As social creatures, much of how we feel about boundaries, or the lack thereof, comes from our conditioning with others in relationships. We’re social creatures, and it’s easy to say yes to things we don’t want to do even if we aren't 100% interested in the opportunity. The more relationships you have, however, can mean more opportunities for people-pleasing—and that leads to less time for yourself. But setting boundaries doesn’t mean you always have to say no—it just means being honest about your current capabilities or availability. Knowing when and how to set boundaries is essential in creating healthy relationships with friends, family, and colleagues.
Knowing Our Boundaries Help Us Stay in Relationship with Others
Paying attention to our own needs and feelings helps us to determine if we have set proper boundaries in our lives. If you are noticing yourself feeling anxious, overwhelmed, and resentful. Chances are, some self-reflection on boundaries is in order. Knowing who we are and what we’re about makes it easier to stick up for ourselves and what we need. When we can understand our needs and communicate our boundaries effectively, we can maintain healthy relationships with them. It’s a win-win situation! In many cases, identifying and voicing your own needs can create a better relationship and improve your mental health.
If you want to explore your boundaries or have a hard time setting them, counseling can help. It takes practice and consistency to put limits in place. It can be stressful to navigate alone, especially if others aren’t respecting our needs. If you are looking for support and tools to set boundaries in your own life, contact me to find out if counseling is a good fit for your needs.
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